with Lynne and Leslie

Why we wouldn’t want to be that bride on “Mobbed”

by SweetMidlife

Or “Why we would have ducked Howie Mandel like we owed him money if he tried to put us on that stupid show.”

One of the truths of being a bride in general, and a Bride at 35, specifically, is that you cannot control anything. After all, us old heads couldn’t control when we were going to find love or marriage, which was most likely later than we thought, so who the heck’s to say that we have control over anything else? (We don’t.)

However, we do draw the line at being able to have chosen our own wedding dress, or bridal party, or the date and time, or the guest list, or whether or not our wedding was part of a stupid FOX reality show.

Sure, Nikki, the admittedly temperamental lady who was proposed to and then married by flash mob on the Howie-hosted program, seemed to be completely overwhelmed, emotional and excited during her ambush…er, surprise nuptials. Then again, she’d just been led to believe just minutes before that boyfriend Justin had dragged her to California as part of a contest prize only to be confronted by some sequined floozy from his past. I mean, this chick threw a drink in his face and said she wished she’d known he had a girlfriend.

So, let’s review. This admittedly jealous young woman gets what she thinks is a dream vacation and finds out that her boyfriend of three years may be cheating, and then has to deal with the embarassment of having security guards jump in to try to quell the drama. And then all of a sudden she’s assaulted…er, surprised by a mob of dancing waiters, guards and bystanders who escort her outside, where the crowd parts to reveal a tuxeodoed Justin getting off a trolley with their closest friends.

Not only does she have to process in like 30 seconds, in front of an audience, that he’s not cheating (we guess) but that she’s being proposed to. And what’s more, that wedding is gonna happen, if she says yes, right now. With her specially flown-in friends and family – at least the ones the show invited – in attendance. In a fugly dress she didn’t choose that she gets dumped into OVER HER CLOTHES WITH HER T-SHIRT SHOWING and a Claire’s clearance rack tiara that keeps sliding off her head during the wedding that she was basically emotionally coerced into.

Yeah, yeah, it was all terribly exciting and fun, and she got to be the center of attention and know that Justin was not only not a cheating skank (we guess) but also loved her enough to commit and go through the trouble of choreography and and arranging a TV show to prove that love. And she seemed truly touched and happy that she was married to her beloved.

But. And still.

A) Why was it necessary to throw in that awful scene with the supposed skank? I can see trying to throw Nikki off the scent so the surprise is greater, but why throw her heart into a blender and drink it? Sure, she quickly got wonderful validation that it was all a ruse. But why mess with that poor girl’s head? For the rest of her life, her memories of the happiest day of her life will be mixed with the sick, nauseous feeling, however brief, that she’d been made the worst kind of fool. Jerks.

B) While an instant wedding is probably great from the prospective of TV producers and some viewers, but I don’t know one bride, even the low-key DIY ones, who wouldn’t want some say in her big day. I know she agreed, but I got the feeling she was overwhelmed into it. The dress was awful, dowdy, unflattering and wasn’t even buttoned all the way. And those bridesmaids dresses did her party NO favors. It all seemed that in the haste to put on a show, they negated the star of the show – the bride. I can’t help but think that at some point Nikki is gonna look back and say “THAT was my wedding?”

I have read online that Justin and Nikki’s televised nuptials probably weren’t even legal in California without both of them signing the marriage license, so there was certainly a do-over. Still, this is the big money day. And the only person who didn’t know about it was Nikki.

Look, it’s a nice gesture, and the dancing was adorable. But at almost 40, I know a lot of women who have waited years for their wedding. It may not have been the wedding they would have had – or even did have – when  they were younger. And they have learned that if some of the details don’t go exactly as planned, it’s not a tragedy. But at least we got to be in on the details before they went down. I hope that if this was me, and my boyfriend had gotten the mistaken impression that I would be down with this, that I would have had the guts to, however, sheepishly, thank everyone for their time, assure my boy that I loved him…

and say “Cut!”

2 Responses to “Why we wouldn’t want to be that bride on “Mobbed””

  1. sharongarvin@yahoo.com' silkrose says:

    I think the part that bothered me most was that the dress wasn’t done up at the back…couldn’t they have bought one with a zipper?

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