with Lynne and Leslie

“The Bachelorette”‘s final rose: Y’all know this is a game show, right?

by SweetMidlife

by Leslie Gray Streeter Zervitz

Last night on the season finale of “The Bachelorette”: Cute, tousle-headed Ben was completely, totally, 100 percent shocked that Bachelorette Ashley turned down his proposal of long, showmancey engagement marriage.

“I did not see that one coming,” he said, as Flaky McPinky failed to positively respond to his knee-dropping Big Question.

Oh, Ben. Cute little shaggy-headed modelicious kumquat. How could you have NOT seen this coming, since you knew that Ashley was dating one other dude at this exact moment, making this moment at least a 50/50 proposition?

To put it more bluntly – YOU’RE ON A GAME SHOW, DUMMY. If there’s two players left in the game, the only thing you know for sure is that at least one of you is getting the “Mwomp MWOMP” loser buzzer. Because Ashley’s hand in marriage, at least not at this moment, isn’t something you can share. Legally. Away from Juniper Creek (It’s a “Big Love” reference, people! How 2010 of me!)

The big problem with taking any of this ridiculousness seriously is that those of us with any sense know that love doesn’t work on a timetable, at least the timetable of network production schedules. This means that Ashley’s wishy-washiness is understandable – she’s being asked to choose a husband – not a dishwasher, not an apartment, not a prom date – out of a group of men she didn’t select. She is being asked to go into the day of her engagement still making that decision.

If I had still been dating someone else the day before my husband proposed to me, rest assured he would not have proposed. How in the world can you expect someone to be assured of someone’s committment to you if they’re still literally considering committing to someone else? That is how real life works. This is not how game shows work, which is why most of these couples have not been able to translate their game show relationship to the real world. They get back home and go “You mean I have to relate to you without cameras or scripting or fantasy suites? Like, when I have to go to work, or hang out with your jackass buddies or deal with you when you have the flu, you’re cranky and you literally stink?”

Those things aren’t easy to navigate when you completely picked your own partner. Imagine when they’ve been cast!

So I watched the finale at the home of my sister, who has not been following it, and she was immediately drawn to J.P. – “He’s a man!” she said approvingly. Maybe it’s because he’s 34 – and dude, you’re a year officially too young but we’re happy to have you as a Groom at 35 – and he has very little B.S. about him.

 I was surprised that so many Internet bloggers and commenters don’t get him – they say he’s boring and smug – and preferred Ben. I guess my age makes me more interested in the guy who seemed to be the least OK with dating someone who was dating someone else. When they did the wedding picture day, when she was dating photos with all the guys, he was visibly freaked out. And that’s when I started to like him.

It’s so funny when these people try to drop real-life knowledge into these manufactured situations – Ashley’s sister started asking relevant questions and made a snap judgement about J.P. and Ashley’s future (she didn’t see one). She was way harsh, but she was attempting to be real about her feelings. Of course, it was in the courtyard of a hotel in front of cameras that totally would not be there if they were not all on a TV show. So there’s that.

Do I have faith that J.P. and Ashley will ever make it to the altar, let alone have a long, successful love? Nope, because they met on a game show and almost no one else has, and her extreme flakitude doesn’t make it look good. Do I think he seems like a decent guy? Yeah. Will I be totally sad if he winds up on “Bachelor Pad” someday? Yep, because I hope he’s better than that.

Then again, I don’t know him, so what do I know?

2 Responses to ““The Bachelorette”‘s final rose: Y’all know this is a game show, right?”

  1. tena_the_queena@yahoo.com' Tena Jackson says:

    Love the blog! You are too funny!

  2. bride35 says:

    Thank you, Tena!!

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