with Lynne and Leslie
Tag Archives: coping

Fake it till you make it: Creative widowing, one day at a time

by SweetMidlife

 

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I think you guys know that I (I, being Leslie) lost my husband at the end of July, a phrase that, as I’m writing it, doesn’t make me seize into sobs and hurl the computer across the room, so progress, right? My sister has held down the blogging fort, for real, even though she’s been dealing with her own grief over Scott’s death, cuz her was awesome. So today, for the first time since that horrible stupid thing happened, I’m back blogging. And I promise not to make you cry..

…much.

I am new at this craft I’m having to master involuntarily, because it’s either figure it out or Brian Wilson-ing it in bed for the rest of the year. I’m still working it out, and I got through last week’s challenge of coming back to work. And guess what? It was kinda crappy, mostly because I had to come home and have my husband not be there, and realize that he never is going to be again, but that this is the deal, so I’ve got plug through. I like my job, and also my paycheck, so I’m going back again today, with a made-up face, a smile, and these bits of knowledge I Forrest Gumped my way into:

– Sometimes you have to fake it: The above picture was taken on Friday, which was pretty awful. I actually cried in front of people, which is not a thing I do, and the looming task of going home…again…to start this hamster wheel all over felt like a giant hamster was running the wheel over my head. But you know what? I pulled myself together, wiped my face off, touched up that lipstick and smiled. Always smile. It freaks the hamster out.

– Let people help you: I am bad at accepting help, sometimes taking it as some sort of affront to my strength. This is stupid. I need help, I’m lucky enough to have people who want to help, so I welcome it. Sometimes people are trying to lift you up because you really are sinking, and sometimes because you’re skimming along but they can see the rock ahead better than you can.

– It’s OK to cry. Rosey Grier said so.

I have no doubt that Week 2’s gonna have its own potholes, and I’m gonna run right into them. But I’ll have to dig out of those, too. I can’t get cable in a pothole and “Dancing With The Stars” is on tonight.


About Yesterday

by SweetMidlife

Lynne here.  These views are mine. I appreciate heartfelt disagreement.

Lots has been written and spoken about the horrific murders of children and educators at an elementary school in CT yesterday.  Words can’t express the plain devastation of what happened.  Everyone agrees with that.  People can’t seem to agree, however, what to take away from it.  Some Christians believe it signals the end of days, while others think its evidence that there is no God, because why else whould this have been allowed.  Some who advociate stronger gun-control see this as the time to immediately talk about stricter regulations, while guns rights advocates think that this signals the need to arm ourselves more.  Some see this as an opportunity for us to all mourn together, while others point out that children die every day, and that we shouldn’t care more about these than others.

Stop.

I understand the need for information, and the desire to take something so awful and try to make some sense out of it by trying to prevent it from happening again, or by qualifying it so we don’t have to deal with the sheer horror of it.  But it was horrible. And it is awful.  And the fact that other children, other people, in  different communities have died drives home the point.

Humans died.  Real people are burying 5 year-olds.  In Connecticut.  In Syria.  In Baltimore City.  In Rwanda.  Us putting our heads down and acting like it can’t affect us is wrong.  And I know action is needed, both practically and spiritually.  But let’s not forget the pain that real people are experiencing, right now, before we try to make sense of it. Because it makes no sense.  I don’t know what this means. Or what it signals.  Except, I believe, for the need to stop and pray. And mourn.  And feel. And then act, as your heart moves you, whatever that means.


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