with Lynne and Leslie

Mary Mary’s Erica Campbell, “modesty”, representing God and giving each other a freaking break

by SweetMidlife

Leslie here, still simply having a wonderful holiday time in the Sweet Midlife northern offices, watching our office assistant eat cereal with his hands. He’s not that good at typing but he’s got the hand cereal thing down.

Like a lot of people facing the end of the year with some changes they’d like to make in the next one, I’ve been seeing a lot of photos of famous folk who have made some changes too, including in the poundage department. One of those folk is Erica Campbell of the gospel duo Mary Mary, a beautiful lady who was introduced to the public when she was younger and heavier, but is now a more svelte, albeit curvy, married adult. She has written publicly about her struggles with weight, and specifically said that her quest to be more fit was not about her public image but to honor and protect the health God gave her, for herself and her family.

Campbell put some photos on Instagram promoting her upcoming solo album, and Sister looks gorgeous. She could also not be any more covered up – She’s wearing a form-fitting white dress with a turtleneck that covers, you know, her neck, with sleeves to her wrist and a hemline falling below her knees, with only her lovely shins, hands and face showing. Yes, the dress shows her curves, because why shouldn’t it? She’s grown. She’s married. She’s beautiful. They’re not sexual. They’re “Here’s me looking my best.”

You would think that the Christian community would clap their hands and celebrate not only her continued success in the business, but also hold Campbell up as an example of how to be healthy and beautiful while upholding recognized standards of appropriateness. (I hesitate to use the word “modesty,” because its modern connotation too often puts the onus on young women to be the bastions of propriety, giving them the responsibility to keep young men honest and blaming the girls and not the guys if things get out of hand. That also negates the girls’ own sexual identities and just focuses on them as tools of the devil or something backwards like that.)

But that applause, if it was there, has been overshadowed by what Bob Geldof might call the clanging chimes of doom, or, as we in the church community call it, much shade.

And I wish I was surprised.

Stacey Woods, a pastor with a large Internet presence, wrote a very public indictment of the photos that I imagine is supposed to be convicting but which seems to be shaming this woman for having a body while claiming to be in the body of Christ. She writesĀ  “This is not ok. Yes, you are a beautiful, curvy woman but no ma’am you are singing the gospel of Jesus Christ. We compel men to come through our love for Jesus, but when we wear things that are distracting, the message is somehow lost and it becomes about us and not about Him.”

Oh, for Pete’s sake. To quote the esteemed “Field of Dreams”‘ James Earl Jones’ Terence Mann reacting to Kevin Costner’s Ray’s indictment of his writing as a wedge in the generation gap between him and his late dad, “It’s not my fault you didn’t play catch with your father!” That means, of course, that whatever stirrings of rebellion and dissent existed between them were already there when Ray read Mann’s work, and wasn’t his fault. And if a man is struggling with his focus on spirituality and a well-shaped woman causes him to stray from an Instagram photo, that’s not her fault. Erica Campbell’s sole purpose in the world is not to stop been from thinking bad thoughts. Her witness as a Christian, and as a person trying to make money as an artist, is also for women who might want to be healthier but still be vibrant, and for her and God. She said herself that being healthier was part of her way to honor God, and if she chooses to show that in a TURTLENECK DRESS DOWN PAST HER KNEES, then your struggle is between you and God. Don’t put that on her.

Lynne writes about her spirituality more than I do on this page, but my relationship with God is something I take very seriously, while still understanding that it is MY RELATIONSHIP. I understand that Erica Campbell chose at an early age, and still chooses, to make her relationship with God public, and to use it to inform others. She is a public person and therefore subject to scrutiny. But…and I’m gonna be real here, because I think we can be, right?…women can be so hard on each other. And it doesn’t change when it’s under the auspices of religion, or race, or national pride. I am sure that Pastor Woods thinks she’s making a statement that will instruct and protect, but by going to that ‘Your job is to not distract men from God” space, she’s negating Sister Campbell’s autonomy as a Christian and as a woman. She also questions her Christian sincerity, which is neither her place or her business.

There’s another thing – people in the black community, and in parts of the black Christian community, are all about telling you your skirt’s too tight but not addressing the obesity that is killing us. Why aren’t we saying “In the name of God, take care of your bodies?” Ruben Studdard, the famously fluffy “American Idol” winner and recent “Biggest Loser” contestant, told me a couple of weeks ago that sometimes we in our community don’t support each other, maybe out of jealousy, and because we project our own struggles onto other people. He recalled hearing people audibly prefer Luther Vandross when he was heavier – “‘So what you’re saying is you like Luther unhealthy,'” Studdard told me.

I want to believe that the admonishment of Pastor Woods, and of others, is about what they believe is a Biblical and cultural duty. And they are entitled to their opinion. Campbell, for her part, has said that she’s sorry she offended people but that she thought the photos were cute and appropriate, and other people, including singer (and Christian attractive person) Yolanda Adams, have given her their support.

As humans, we have complicated reasons for the things that we champion or demonize, and because I don’t know Pastor Woods I can’t get into her head. I do wish that she’d maybe addressed her statements to Campbell personally, or not hung her out as a bad witness to men. This reminds me of the Miley Cyrus “slut-shaming” situation, where women, including me, addressed concerns about what appeared to be her publicly losing her mind in a Twerky, humping, naked flourish. A lot of people were like “What will your young fans think? It’s your responsibility to always be a role model for them and not make them be slutty!” I think that’s stupid – if Miley is the fragile gateway between you and a life of shameful Twerkitude, maybe you need to examine your own soul (and your own butt.) My issue was more that I wasn’t sure this was going to lay a foundation to be taken seriously as a older artist once this stage was over.

But that’s on her, just as Erica Campbell’s career is on her. It’s not on you. And your struggles are not on her. She can be a beacon, but if a stranger is causing you to struggle, don’t look at the pictures. But don’t make their existence your excuse. It’s not their job, and it’s not hers.

What do you think?


7 Responses to “Mary Mary’s Erica Campbell, “modesty”, representing God and giving each other a freaking break”

  1. sam@madebysam.com' Sam Lewis says:

    I admittedly spend a measurable amount of my professional life deliberately and happily thumbing my nose at this precise mindset, so it’s probably wise not to attach much weight to my opinion, but
    First, as you said, if your faith is so lightly held that the simple fact of a woman actually acknowledging the existence of her own body somehow threatens it, relax, it obviously wasn’t all that important to you.
    Second, a person in the business of performing is going to take some care in presentation. This is okay, and
    Third, just like Miley, Christina, and every other celebrity people delight in tsking over and being scandalized by, at the end of the day, it just ain’t your problem. Breathe deep, relax, and go on living your life as you see fit.
    Finally, if you have a public platform, and you use it to slut shame and aggrandize your image at the expense of this frankly innocuous visual, then you are the one distracted from the message.
    –Sam

  2. bride35 says:

    Sam:
    Your thoughtful opinions are always welcome!!!! Love you bro!

  3. niknak411@yahoo.com' Best Friend Nikki says:

    As soon as I saw that picture, my first thought was that someone was gonna say the dress was too tight. Not because I agree with the sentiment, but because I know how “good Christian folks” can be. It doesn’t surprise me that it was a Black female pastor making the indictment because I know how Black women can be. And it saddens me. We tear each other down instead of supporting one another. Instead of saying, “Well done! Way to make yourself a healthier person!”, Erica Campbell hears that she’s not honoring God with how she presents herself. Bull. Pastor Woods doesn’t speak for me. Ms. Campbell, way to go!

  4. liritsvoice@gmail.com' Rebes says:

    One my favorite versus: Matthew 5:29 ‘If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.’ I’m kinda tired of hearing that women are wholly responsible for men’s purity and focus. It’s just not a biblical perspective. What a woman’s wearing really doesn’t matter. She’s a person with a right to bodily autonomy. If you’ve got a lust problem, that’s between you and God… leave the chicks out of it.

  5. pamela.beaulieu@metrocast.net' Pam says:

    Love this Leslie! I find myself sometimes judging without questioning what my purpose is. Thank you for opening my mind a little more to questioning my own intentions.
    By the Way you guys have a great blog!

  6. Kristen_mom@yahoo.com' KJ says:

    I can’t imagine there are many people as uptight about dressing modestly and respecting your body than I am. Having a pre-teen daughter, and a teenage son, I frequently stress over the clothing trends while trying to remember being a lady or gentleman is what you teach them on the inside. THAT said, I agreed with your article completely. This sister has beautiful curves (who can do that IN WHITE??)) But she is not immodest. Turtleneck, long skirt, no rolls… YOU GO GIRL!!!

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