with Lynne and Leslie

Lessons from some cancelled “Real Housewives” for a real wife

by SweetMidlife

Leslie here! So my new gym doesn’t have TVs on the cardio equipment, but does have some hovering from the ceiling, with convenient close-captioning so I can enjoy some random rerun while sweating and pretending that my thighs don’t look like that. There’s one near the bikes that seems to be stuck on Bravo, or Oxygen, or some lady-loving channel, that today happened to be showing a rerun of the dearly-departed and dismal “Real Housewives of D.C.,” featuring a collection of women who were neither housewives or, since a bunch of them lives in the ‘burbs, actually living in D.C.

The whole thing was a snoozefest, except for the continuing antics of the fascinating world going on inside Michaele and Tareq Salahi’s heads, and the fantastically changing hair of stylist and birthday party victim Paul Wharton. A re-watching reminded me of how much I don’t miss this show, and reminded me that there are lessons to be learned from the sad public lives of people who probably thought that this was their meal ticket, but turned out to be their ticket to obscurity. But I’m all about making lemonade out of lemons, and of finding life lessons in stupid reality shows that I am a captive audience of.

– Don’t show your butt when it might come back to haunt you: When I saw the ladies sniping at each other about who was too thin and who was a bad friend, and what have you, they had the look of people who assumed that any bad reputation would be assuaged by one day being super rich and famous. They didn’t, and no one probably remembers them, except for the people they talked crap about.

– Don’t involve your kids in potentially embarrassing publicity: Cat, the smoky-voiced Brit, included her young daughters in the show and talked up their close relationship with her new husband…who was pretty much not her husband anymore by the time the show aired. I would imagine that a woman with as much relationship history as she claims to have, as in her tell-all book, would know not to involve her kids like that. It was cringey to watch.

– Don’t offer to host someone’s birthday party, and then send them a signed document releasing you from having to pay for anything: This should be self-explanatory. But it obviously isn’t.

– Don’t claim to own a vineyard you don’t own: Ditto.

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