with Lynne and Leslie

It’s Not Your Puppy, or Being Happy For Other People When They Have the Thing You Wanted

by SweetMidlife

Hi!! It’s Lynne! Ir’s been a long time since I have written, mostly because I have been busy with the the theater I founded and run, Building Better People. We do professional theater for a kid audience, as well as classes for kids, and everything that we do is based around themes of kindness and respect and forgiveness. We had a show yesterday, and one of the lines of the play stuck out in my head, not only because I wrote it, but because I realized that I needed to hear that message preached to myself. Oh yes.

The play is called ‘We Got It!”, and it’s about empathy, and the second scene of the show is a game show called “How Would You Feel If Someone Said That To You?”, where an actor is pitted against the audience. Another actor, playing the host, asks the players questions that bring up the golden rule in doing or saying to people what you would want them to say to you, and in one of the scenarios, the contestants are asked what they would do if a friend of theirs got a puppy, even though the contestant wanted one as well but doesn’t have one. The kids in the audience usually answer things like “I would ask if I could play with their puppy!”, or “I would be happy for them.”, which is a good contrast to the actor, who says, “I would say, ‘Who cares about your puppy? I don’t!” , to which the host says later, “But it’s not your puppy!” And every time I hear that line (or say it, since I am in the play at times), I laugh at how bratty it is to not wish people well just because you are jealous. Even though that’s hard.

Well, dang, I have had several moments lately where I had to be reminded that other people’s puppies were not mine, and that it was the right thing to be happy for them and their canine-having selves. I recently applied for 2 things that I didn’t get, the first being a grant for my theater, and the second, a chance to speak at a local event. I get rejection stuff all of the time, because life, but both of these “Thanks for applying and you’re awesome but sorry, not this time” emails were different because both asked for my support for the people who WERE chosen for the things that I applied for by either voting for the finalists for the grant I didn’t get, or my attendance at the event I didn’t get selected to speak at. And I have to be completely honest that my initial reaction to both, even though I was convicted in about 90 seconds, was “Ain’t nobody got time to be helping people who got what I wanted. LATER!” And if I was a character in my show, I would be the example of what NOT to be.

I need to get over it. And I did.

Because if I had gotten those honors, I would have wanted people to show up or vote. Because we can’t, won’t, and probably shouldn’t get every single thing we pursue, and that’s good, because everything isn’t for us. It’s not. Say that out loud. Everything isn’t yours because it is not statistically possible, but because we learn from the things we DON’T get just as much, if not more, than the things that we do. Years ago, there was an actor/businessperson whose career I greatly admired, as they were doing many of the things that I had always wanted to do, and I said, to myself (Myself always hears the petty things first), “They have my career.” But no. They had their career. The career they worked for, and sacrificed for, and had successes with and failures with, and learned from all of those. What I had was gazing into someone else’s life while not taking the steps to get MY career. So that’s what I am doing., and it is a roller coaster, complete with loops, but the ride is worth it, y’all. And part of that is supporting other people in the goodness that is their life, and hope that I get theirs, and I am gonna vote for the people up for that grant, and I will try really hard to attend that speaking event, and I will put out all of the goodness that I want to come back to me.

Me as the person who can't be happy for someone else's puppy.

Me as the person who can’t be happy for someone else’s puppy. Picture by Bellephont Photography.

Not just because I want extra goodness, but because that’s the way the world works. And I want to be a part of that.

Have any of you ever been in the place where you had to be happy for people who got the thing you wanted? What did you do?

 


2 Responses to “It’s Not Your Puppy, or Being Happy For Other People When They Have the Thing You Wanted”

  1. It seems simpler when you’re just talking about a puppy, but you’re right. It’s hard to be happy for someone who got what you wanted, even if you know it’s part of a bigger plan and things will turn out how they’re supposed to in the end.
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…Why I Don’t Care Anymore About Being the Fun MomMy Profile

    • SweetMidlife says:

      It is SOOOO hard, especially when you think you are a pretty with-it person, and you find yourself thinking these thoughts. It is a good reminder to acknowledge it, and check myself.

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