with Lynne and Leslie

Grief and Grace and Gravy

by SweetMidlife

Lynne here, and this rambles a bit.

Palm Beach

It’s been said somewhere that there are lessons in everything if you look for them, and I have been finding that this is true as we grieve Scott, Leslie’s husband and my brother in law. I would rather have learned this lesson some other way and not have had us, especially Leslie, ¬†go through this loss, but I have found something out.

There are people who ask inappropriate questions, and loved ones don’t always see eye to eye about everything. And we are all hurting. And that is what I feel God has whispered in my ear.

That everybody hurts. Everybody grieves. They just do it differently.

Some of them do it by needing to be around people. Some do it by wanting to be alone and not talk to anyone. Some want to help by doing things, like bringing you food, or making you gravy, like our friend Melanie did for Leslie (and it was really good gravy, y’all), or organizing your refrigerator, or taking you to get your nails done. Other people want to watch sad things on television, and others need to watch “Last Comic Standing” on repeat. Some do all of these all in the same day. And that’s the thing. There is no right way to do it. There are probably many wrong ways to do it if they involve making other people feel crappy so that you can feel better. Because that doesn’t really help, and involves more hurt, and as my toddler says, “Dat’s not good. Dat’s not good AT ALL.”

Which leads me back to what God is showing me. He is showing me that even if we are all grieving the same person, we don’t arrive at it from the same place. Maybe you’ve had a lot of loss lately, or maybe you’ve never lost someone close before. Your job might suck, and you had a fight with your boyfriend last night. But here we are all together with a loss, and we might react differently to it.

And there should be grace for that. People have shown us so much grace and kindness and love this past week that I can’t even sum it up. And it’s made me see through to people’s hearts and to stop making their stuff about me, and to really see THEM. It’s made me want to focus on the good things and wonderful people in my life. It’s made me want more than ever to be present in my life and to put my phone down and turn the TV off. I am still not for people who are deliberately out to hurt people. But we all hurt. It’s part of life. And if that hurt makes the good things shine brighter because they contrast so loudly with the pain, then I am going to see the good. It doesn’t make the bad go away. But it makes you remember why you risked opening your heart in a way that lets pain in. Because the happy is worth it.

I told you that it rambled. But that’s where I am. Sadness will come. It sucks. I hate it. But the happy is worth it.


4 Responses to “Grief and Grace and Gravy”

  1. jasanti13@gmail.com' Jennifer Larsson Santini says:

    Well stated. We all deal with pain (and with happiness) in different ways. You are a strong woman to see this and to accept this as your family goes through an unbelievable and unexpected loss. Prayers for all of you.

  2. savvywrokinggal@gmail.com' Savvy says:

    Well said and I didn’t think it was a ramble at all, just a heart-felt statement of how you feel. Also, sorry to hear about your loss.
    Savvy recently posted…Was My Neighbor Entitled to a Referral Discount?My Profile

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