with Lynne and Leslie

Fake it till you make it: Creative widowing, one day at a time

by SweetMidlife

 

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I think you guys know that I (I, being Leslie) lost my husband at the end of July, a phrase that, as I’m writing it, doesn’t make me seize into sobs and hurl the computer across the room, so progress, right? My sister has held down the blogging fort, for real, even though she’s been dealing with her own grief over Scott’s death, cuz her was awesome. So today, for the first time since that horrible stupid thing happened, I’m back blogging. And I promise not to make you cry..

…much.

I am new at this craft I’m having to master involuntarily, because it’s either figure it out or Brian Wilson-ing it in bed for the rest of the year. I’m still working it out, and I got through last week’s challenge of coming back to work. And guess what? It was kinda crappy, mostly because I had to come home and have my husband not be there, and realize that he never is going to be again, but that this is the deal, so I’ve got plug through. I like my job, and also my paycheck, so I’m going back again today, with a made-up face, a smile, and these bits of knowledge I Forrest Gumped my way into:

– Sometimes you have to fake it: The above picture was taken on Friday, which was pretty awful. I actually cried in front of people, which is not a thing I do, and the looming task of going home…again…to start this hamster wheel all over felt like a giant hamster was running the wheel over my head. But you know what? I pulled myself together, wiped my face off, touched up that lipstick and smiled. Always smile. It freaks the hamster out.

– Let people help you: I am bad at accepting help, sometimes taking it as some sort of affront to my strength. This is stupid. I need help, I’m lucky enough to have people who want to help, so I welcome it. Sometimes people are trying to lift you up because you really are sinking, and sometimes because you’re skimming along but they can see the rock ahead better than you can.

– It’s OK to cry. Rosey Grier said so.

I have no doubt that Week 2’s gonna have its own potholes, and I’m gonna run right into them. But I’ll have to dig out of those, too. I can’t get cable in a pothole and “Dancing With The Stars” is on tonight.


28 Responses to “Fake it till you make it: Creative widowing, one day at a time”

  1. angiehaube@gmail.com' Angie says:

    Leslie…you make “fake it til you make it” look GOOD! Praying you on, my friend. Can’t imagine the days you’ve already faced…or the ones to come. But I know the God who holds them all…and you….and me…and everything else. Trusting He’s got your back! Be well…be you…be AMAZING! <3

  2. stressedoutnan@yahoo.com' Brenda says:

    From a fellow widow, you’re doing great and you’re right it’s not easy and it’s not easy to accept help, but be glad it’s there. I know I appreciate EVERYTHING everyone does to help me. It’s been almost three years and I still need help occasionally. I still don’t like to ask for help but it never hurts to ask. Sending hugs your way!

  3. Jennolson@bellsouth.net' Jenn Olson says:

    You got this! Every day will be different with its own set of challenges; but you’ve got a village around you. Plus…keep the goal of freaking the hamster out everyday! (Loved that!)

  4. Stacy.bryan@gmail.com' Stacy says:

    You WILL make it– with beauty, grace, candor, and humor. And sometimes it will hurt like hell. But you will have love, laughter, and friendship in your life always because you are luminous and brilliant in more ways that you may realize. Keep writing, Leslie– it is good for you and good for anyone experiencing raw grief.

  5. Kristenleejohnson@gmail.com' Kristen says:

    You are beautiful. You are amazing. I admire and love you. ♡

  6. turner411@gmail.com' Best Friend Nikki says:

    You know you can always ask for help and no one will think less of you for it. We love you and we loved Scott and we want to make your life easier in any possible way we can. Because (did I mention this already?) we love you. And I am filled with admiration and complete awe over your strength and resilience. {{HUGS}}

  7. seabreezegg@aol.com' Gail Fortin says:

    YOU my friend are a beacon of light so needed in our world………..we will hold the space for you until your smile again becomes a habit. Hang in there and SHINE ON>

  8. kaliahpr@gmail.com' Michelle says:

    Leslie, I watched one of my best friends overcome of the unbearable pain of losing her husband to cancer at the tender age of 38. So much life he missed, including watching his infant son grow up. But she is one of the most beautiful, courageous, resilient souls I know and I’m honored to be her friend. You inspire that kind of emotion in others with your bravery and humor. We are rooting for you, and you will defeat that blasted hamster. M

  9. tena_the_queena@yahoo.com' Tena Jackson says:

    Can’t get cable…Dancing With The Stars…ha ha ha ha ha! That is so you! One step at a time, lots of breathing in and out, and being good to yourself are really important things to remember. Hugs and smooches!

  10. tate_franz@comcast.net' Thaeda says:

    “Always smile. It freaks the hamster out.” Definitely a keeper! Thinking of you.

  11. heilner61607@yahoo.com' Nancy says:

    Have been an admirer of yours from afar for years, always loved your column. My heart broke for you when I read of your loss. I have watched my mother finding her way through widowhood this past year as well. I hope that the love and support of those who surround you comfort you and lift you up on this new journey. I offer prayers to you of love and peace.

  12. bocababe66@hotmail.com' Melissa says:

    When I lost my husband, looking for the blessings got me thru. It is amazing how the perspective changes. I’m sorry for your loss but happy for your smile. Work is a great distraction. Getting paid to the leave the house is pretty awesome too.

  13. phuffines@live.com' Pam says:

    I’ve been a widow now for three weeks. Today I had to call AT&T to remove his phone number from the bill. I thought I could do it without crying but as I said the words, the tears started flowing. God bless the customer service lady, She was kind and patient. We were together 24/7 (self-employed) for 37 years. Everything I see and do reminds me of him. I miss him everyday. God bless you for sharing with others who are experiencing similar emotions so we don’t have to feel so alone.

  14. maria_blake@comcast.net' Maria says:

    I wish I had words to make it all better. I can’t even imagine. Just know that you were deeply loved, you have your sweet baby Z, and still have the love of your friends and family. God will continue to walk w/ you … and while you will never forget, or truly get over it, you will carry on (as I know Scott would want you to). I love you much my sweet friend. You are brave.

  15. CherylRagsdale@yahoo.com' Cheryl says:

    Wow! Leslie, God has given you a new and difficult journey. By sharing your pain and your daily discoveries on a blog, you’re helping people who don’t know what to do.

    They might be afraid to ask for help. They might be afraid to accept help. And horrifyingly, they might not have anyone to ask for help.

    So, keep writing. And keep visiting (so great to meet you). DramaGuru works in mysterious ways.

    Each one, teach one.
    Cheryl recently posted…Kissing a GorillaMy Profile

  16. Leslie, you are my hero. I can’t believe how you face this with such maturity, bravery, and honesty. I’m totally proud of you, and I know that Scott is looking down on you totally proud, too.
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…Why I’ve Never Bought School Pictures… And I Never WillMy Profile

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